Lifestyle Change

A lot has happened since the last time Greg blogged. In addition to a few new species evolving, roaming the planet, and eventually succumbing to extinction, it appears that Greg developed a receding hairline and a weight problem. This is a great lesson for kids everywhere: don't shirk on your obligations. You will get fat and lose all your hair.

But let's get real here folks. "Fat" and "hairless" are relative terms. Okay, maybe not hairless, but fat definitely is. And there's no better place to be overweight than America. In America, you can be overweight and skinny at the same time.  Greg, I bet this kid weighs more than you. He's like 14. You have been consuming massive amounts of calories for almost ten more years than him, and he still outweighs you. Compared to him, you are definitely not fat. Overweight? Apparently, the CDC thinks Greg would be overweight if he weighed 170 lbs or more. That's got to be a misprint. I think Greg's birth weight was 172 lbs. This is America, people. Any man who is 5'9" and weighs under 170 lbs does not do enough of the following: drink beer, tailgate, watch sports, think about exercising, decide not to exercise, feel guilty about not exercising, drink and eat to drown out the guilt and self-loathing. Being a "healthy weight" is like eating three cups of vegetables a day. Who does this? To all the vegetarians out there, wipe that stupid look off your face and just go with me for a freakin second, will ya? I'm trying to make a fat guy feel better about himself.

As for the hair? I know girls (ok, trannies) who would die to have locks like that. Next time you talk about a lifestyle change, focus on something that actually needs improvement. Like your blogging habits.